Extra Ordinary

to this day, they still are. i asked her, “what ever happened with us?”. she responded, “from my perspective, you stopped talking to me … didn’t really respond to my texts n stuff … and so i stopped bothering you. i figured it had to do with R—-? There’s no hard feelings at all…BUT, i know there is always two sides/two views…so I’ll ask you…what ever happened with us? please don’t feel like I personally need explanation or anything. i really did feel like you stopped talking to me/hanging out because of R—- so i just dropped the issue. But if there was nothing and it’s all a misunderstanding..then i apologize for the time lost and I’m glad you wrote to me.” this was yesterday, but i awoke after i read it this afternoon. how do i even begin to respond? for some reason, i feel like she’s giving me excuses because i have rarely ever declined to hang out with her because of him. she doesn’t live in town; therefore, i never got to talk to her as often as i would like. this had to be built up from last summer because i don’t remember talking to her much then. yet, i’m honestly not sure what brought her to this conclusion. she never once mentioned it to me these past four years that he has been a major part of my life. she was never even going to say anything to me again. she added me on instagram like everything was so cool between us. or was that her reaching out? why do people expect me to read between the lines. we have been friends since high school, and became even closer once we started college. why keep all of these feelings in silence? the last time she and i spoke was during the week of my birthday. i was asking advice of what club to attend, and she hooked me up with a promoter. during that same week, she subtly insulted me for going to a local university—she approached the situation as if she trumped me since she attended some fancy academy in the east. that really hurt me. insulting my intelligence was just taking it too far, but maybe i lost, ignored, and misinterpreted all the signals she was sending me up until that point. now i’m wondering if i want such a friend in my life. every time there is an issue, you’re not even going to bother to tell me? i don’t blame you. it’s her fault she never spoke up. i honestly don’t even blame myself, but perhaps i’m jumping the gun a little. i’m not sure how i’m going to respond to her. it’s too early for this & now i’m debating whether or not i’m going to get into this day club thing. i’ll think about this message throughout the day. i don’t want to b/s the response. well, it’s 12:54 p.m. & i’m supposed to be across town  by 1:30 p.m. (slash) 2pm. that’s not going to happen, but i’m going to try to make it close. feeling extra bloated today. ugh. haven’t even worn a swimsuit since i went to california last august. and, i guess the gym won’t happen until after my day has ended.