She was a fairly ordinary girl, in most respects. At times, there was an unprovoked fire in her eyes which fully reeled you in and completely captivated your every sense.. just for a moment. She didn’t frequently bother herself with extravagant grooming or dress, yet she possessed a keen sensibility for style. She focused most of her efforts in the details. Details which primarily went unnoticed.
She never desired to be the type of woman that demanded the attention of others. Her peers held interests similar to her once adolescent self; there was nothing of significance they could offer her that she had not already earned.
Independence is a lifestyle with various factors and unpredictable facets of reality. She chose this path simply due to the fact that it was all that she had ever known. Fend for yourself. Only the strongest survive. She fed into such a way of living on the grounds of practicality. Her single mother seemed to follow such concepts, so, naturally, she attempted to emulate her in every respect. At the same time, her appetite for self-reliance and success was much greater than anything she had ever personally encountered or come to know firsthand.
She set out to remain under the radar, but grow to be unstoppable. She hoped one day her stories would be read, but mostly, she just wanted to be heard. Yet, how would she build herself up to that point? As much as she protected herself with privacy, what tools and resources would bring her intangible and fragmented brainstorms to light? It is one thing to have an idea and a complete other to birth such a notion. To birth an abstraction requires constant nourishment. Thus, she began to give herself a daily dose of encouragement which was most often a disappointing battle as she fought a deep-rooted sense of doubt.
Is it possible for someone to literally fear success, to constantly inflict failure upon oneself? The power of her thoughts were groundbreaking and unsettling, usually resulting in moderate to intense migraines. Once she felt a clarity of mind, her mentality was no longer clouded by paranoia or the constant pressures she forced upon herself. Her place of darkness soon began to vanish, but sparingly.
(to be continued…)
but, you weren’t & once again i have to deal with this sh!t on my own. there’s no use in calling you or texting you. if there is an emergency, you’re just not going to be there. it’s plain & simple. you always happen to conveniently be unavailable. probably partying… i honestly wouldn’t be surprised. how can i ever trust you if i can’t even rely on you?