Extra Ordinary

i miss you. i know i have a weird, quite self-destructive way of conveying it. but, this much is true. i fantasize about you every morning, lying here next to me. 

it will be a short fall to the bottom because i’ve never been to the top. a tide flushes over me. i can’t swim; but, he won’t let me drown. he breaths for me & i have no choice but to take in his air. disappointed as i am, he whispers, “not yet, my love.” i resist, then grow weary. he ensures a better tommorow, a better week, better month, better year—just hang in there. false promises, i cite. twenty-three bad years, i wish i could faintly remember.

let me hide,
let me hide them. 

the thought of moving on scares me because i have always just sort of thought you would come around. & if you do not, i am pretty sure i would not even regret it because… you just bring so much sunshine to my world. & pain, no i do not forget the pain, but we have grown so much together, you & me. i mean, yes, i have said i was in love many times before. yet, with you, these feelings are so indescribable, so matter-of-fact. but, i am afraid it is becoming clearer everyday that the feelings are not mutual. four years later & i am still waiting for you to surprise me. i know i am never going to meet anyone quite like you. i am afraid i will not be satisfied with anyone else but you. 

depending on who you ask, i’m a little bit crazy for loving you.                            depending on who you ask, you should leave & go start anew. 

depending on who you ask, you’re my prisoner & i’m your fool.                           depending on who you ask, we’d be better—better off as two.

there’s a way to sacrifice, but nobody wants to fight;                                                        so much colder, i’ve played the games & i’m so ashamed.                                          there’s no easy way. 

take my hand,                                                                                                                     i will stand,                                                                                                                 because i believed in love.                                                                                                   i believed in you.

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i believed in love.                                                                                                                       i believed  in you.

i’ll take bullish!t,

if that’s all you’ve got. 

…that i have all of these lovely dovey things i post, yet i’m not satisfied b/c we lack a title? i mean, it’s been how many years? what’s YOUR problem? hahaha. & i always blame you. i love you though! 

sometimes i love them; sometimes i hate them. as for today, i needed this calm. i could use the rest.